All my life, I have heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”. Before having children, I often thought this was a cliche thing to say. In truth, I knew many people at the time that were raising children without a “village”. I was dead-set on being an independent woman that raised strong independent children. I had this, I am woman hear me roar kinda motto. While studying child development in college, I remember feeling the gravity of what it takes to raise a happy and well-rounded child. The studies are paramount. Children need deep and meaningful relationships with trusted adults. Children need community. So I sat there, at age 18 reading about the importance of child development and thought to myself; I am going to need some help with his parenting gig.
Fast forward to 2012 when I had my first daughter. It was then that I realized not only did my daughter need a village, but I as her mother, needed a group of people to help me raise this tiny human. We all need a community of people that could step in, help out, and be there for us in our time of need. I slowly but surely realized raising small humans was also about building a community of people that love them.
After my second daughter, this idea of needing a village became even more evident as I had complications with her delivery. Who would watch my oldest? How can I care for two children when I can barely walk without pain? How will I do this? All of these questions were quickly answered when my mother stepped in to wash my clothes. When my husband took the fussy baby on a car ride and when my mother-in-law picked up my rambunctious three-year-old just so I could sleep while the baby was sleeping. Again, here I was relying on my community to help. Once again this solidified my knowledge that we all need a village.
The reality of needing others to help me raise my children did not become any more real than in 2019. In 2019, I lost a large part of my community. My village cracked a little and our family was left broken. In May of 2019, my mother unexpectedly passed away. My rock, my strength, my hold my hair back while I puke part of my village was gone. There were moments when I wondering how I would move forward. How do I raise my daughters and be a good mother when I no longer have a mother to turn to. Not only did I lose my friend and parent, but I lost a big part of my village. In fact, if my village were a building the cornerstone was now missing.
Six months later my wonderful father in law passed away after three years of battling cancer. Again, another cornerstone of our village missing. Like a building missing its foundation, our family has been a bit unsteady. It’s like we are learning how to move forward without a large part of our community. But one thing is for sure, the rest of our village stepped up. I will never forget the first person to show up after my mom passed away. I will never forget my boss dropping everything and driving me to the hospital when I got the phone call. I will always remember my best friend showing up at the funeral with fruit snacks and juice boxes for my children for when they became restless. This was my village, a little broken but strong. I would be a little lost without these people.
The year 2019 showed me that the community is needed in the easy and hard times. Then 2020 rolled around and decided to force us to focus in just like 20/20 vision on the importance of community. If anything, 2020 has shown us all the importance of togetherness. For those of us with children, we have relied so much on our village and community during this time. One thing is for sure, our community has stepped up in a major way this past year. Even amid a pandemic, our community was present for our children. From our schools providing food to its students during lockdown to our local daycares staying open for the children of front line employees; our community has personified the saying “it takes a village”. We’ve all been in this together navigating the unknown and I am proud of our community.
According to wonderful internet the saying “It takes a village to raise a child” is an African proverb from the Nigerian Igbo culture which means that it takes a community or a village to raise a child. If anything, most parents can speak to this being a fundamental truth of parenting in 2020. We need a village. We need a community. We need those to love our children and help us navigate the chaos of raising children during a global pandemic. Let’s continue to build togetherness and express gratitude to our community, our village.
