Dear Mom,
I had a dream about you last night. It felt so real. So real that I woke up with tears streaming down my face. You looked beautiful, your body wasn’t burdened by a disease, instead your skin was glowing. Your hair was long and straight and your makeup was flawless. I reached in close to hug you, I smelled your arm and rubbed my face on her shoulder. You smiled and laughed at the my girls while they preformed a play on a stage. We sat in theatre seats and I pulled you in as close to me.
In your arms, you held a newborn in your arms. I wonder who that baby belonged to? I assume it was a baby who didn’t stay on earth for very long. I wonder if you do that with all the angel babies? Do you hold them all in heaven? Do you walk all the dogs there too? Is this what it’s like in heaven? Do you sit and watch our lives like a theatrical performance?
I wonder if you are proud of your girls and all that they have done. I wonder if you shake your head at me when you see me post things on social media, like a dirty laundry room. I wonder what it feels like to be pain free for the first time in decades. I wonder if you dance like you did when you were younger. I bet it’s always sunny and warm and you’ve planted to most beautiful garden.
Mom, in my dream you looked so well rested, do you even need sleep in heaven? I mean, how could you even sleep when there are some many wonderful things to do. My dream began with me seeing you in a crowd and then you disappeared amongst the other people. I spent several minutes frantically trying to find you and then when I did, I wasn’t going to move or ever let you out of my sight.
Why did this feel so real? Why did the reality of your absence hit my like a brick wall when my eyes opened and were filled with my already escaped tears? I tried my best to close my eyes and find my way back to you, but I wasn’t able to. I am certain that this was a small glimpse into your life now. I assume you spend time at the feet of Jesus and you worship him through song and dance. I believe your praise to him includes rocking all the motherless babies and walking all the no longer crippled dogs. Do you even miss me? I mean how could you even with how beautiful it must be there.
Ya know, for almost a year now I been begging and pleading with God for some type of closure. Just one ounce of peace. Whelp, I woke up this morning in utter pain and heartbreak, but everything became crystal clear. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. While I long for every memory that I didn’t get to make you you, I now realize what joy you are experiencing. I am so happy for you. So selfishly sad for myself, but overwhelmingly thankful for the moment I had with you last night. Even if it was only a dream.
I love you mom, until the next glimpse into heaven!
PS: Happy Mother’s Day, hug Granny Pearl and Granny Giles for me!
Love,
Your daughter
